the doctors will fix you the doctors will fix you the doctors will fix you thedoctorswillfixyouthedoctorswillfixyout h e d o c t o r s w i l l f i x y o u
i already know im gonna die soon. and i already know it will be when the moon is out to see. sorry. its god’s will. i cant stop it.
what I really want is for you to fuck me. hard. so im bleeding and hurting and bruised. I don’t want you to care. i dont want your gentleness. I want to regret it. I want to hate you for it. but I want you to do it.
Also I haven’t been to my room yet but I know there are still blades sitting on my bed from last night when I took them out and left them there and it scares me to think about.
Im upset because last night when I was freaking out, I texted Jeremy. Not even to talk to him about the freak out. Just to distract myself long enough to fall asleep or something. Well, he didn’t answer and I dealt with myself and then this morning he texted back saying he was at work which was fine. So I told him why I texted him and he didn’t text back, and hes just not nice and its just irritating because im sure he’s letting people get to him and its just not fair.
I didn’t cut myself and I couldn’t scratch myself. Punching wasn’t working. I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I’m not okay. Things are hard. Make it stop. Help me I can’t I can’t. It won’t stop. I can’t make it go away. I don’t want this.